It’s rainy today as I type this. We had a great Sunday gathering today. It was a wonderful time of worship, message, response time, and fellowship. My wife and I were blessed to have an out-of-town friend come in for a visit, where we got to meet him for the first time in-person. SO many things to be thankful for today! This is all coming on the heels of an intense week of feeling like I wasn’t good enough, seeking the Lord, and trusting Him with the outcome. Turns out, it’s ALWAYS a good idea to trust Him. I feel led today to write this in reflection of the past week. I’ll let you see what that process was like for me to hopefully help you see God’s hand at work in your life.
Earlier in the Week
This past week has been the culmination of months of testing of my character. I was laid off from my job of 15 years back in September. God has positioned my wife and I in a place where we were able to absorb the financial impact, which is allowing me to pursue some entrepreneurial ideas I’ve had for about 8 years or more. I’ve always though, “If I just had more time to focus on these things, I know I can make it work!” Well…I have the time now, but I had some blindspots that God knew needed to be dealt with.
The dreams and visions God placed in my heart are truly bigger than anything I could do myself. On one hand I know it’s something I must rely on God for, but out of my weakness…insecurity…pride…whatever you want to call it, I have been trying to “make it all happen.” These ideas span the world, The vision touches missions, you (through this website), my home church, our future children, so many things. To think I had all the answers and could roll up my sleeves and figure it all out it laughable! I see that now.
Over these last few months, instead of stirring up my faith and stirring up the gifts God has placed in me, I’ve been stirring up my emotions. I’ve been stirring up fear, worry, and anxiety. None of these things are from the Lord. You won’t find any of these things listed in the fruit of the Spirit!
The Catalyst
Tuesday night, I had had a rough day of just being down on myself. I was listening to my own thoughts or thoughts from the enemy saying that I wasn’t doing good enough and that I should be making it happen. I felt that since I wasn’t bringing in any regular income that I wasn’t being “successful”…even though God has not stopped providing for us, and He has clearly set us up in the perfect position to weather this job-change event.
That night I was browing YouTube, and I saw a video titled “God Is Breaking You Out of Self-Reliance (This Is Why You Feel Not Enough“. The title on the thumbnail was “Give Me 3 Days of Fasting….”
I had never seen this channel before in my feed. I wasn’t familiar with his channel at all: Gavin Dees — Check out his stuff if you like. This is not an endorsement, but I want to give credit to the videos that helped me.
I took that as a sign from God that He was trying to get through to me. This guy was reading my mail with his title and thumbnail! So I clicked, and I watched.
One of the calls to action in the video was to enter into a 3 day fast to seek God on the issue of relying on myself. Gavin recommended a water only fast if possible, and that seemed good to me. So right then I made the commitment to the Lord to do that 3 day fast.
Dying to Self
Day One
Day one (Wednesday) was just about miserable. I’m a heavy coffee drinker, so I think the main thing that got me was the caffeine withdrawal. Mainly headache and low energy. Although determined, I was not truly seeking the Lord yet. My own physical suffering was consuming my conscious thoughts. But I think this is the point of fasting. Fasting pulls you from the flesh so you can live by the Spirit.
Day Two
Day two (Thursday) was starting to get better. The headache was subsiding, and I was starting to turn my attention more toward the Lord. Since I didn’t have my usual morning pick-me-up, I overslept my planned time with God. I had this grand idea in my mind that I would be super spiritual on this fast: overcoming the coffee withdrawal, waking up and spending an hour or more with the Lord in His presence and in His word. I was missing the point.
The point of fasting isn’t to see how strong you can be and what you can achieve — ESPECIALLY if you’re fasting to put away self-reliance! (I’m laughing as I write this, because now I see the irony in that!) The point of fasting is to replace the physical coping mechanisms with deep reliance on God’s power in your life. I highly recommend you consider fasting, and I think this needs to be part of my regular spiritual growth.
The Breakthrough
Halfway through day two, I was driving and talking to the Lord (complaining) about how the fast was going. I was basically saying, “Lord, I don’t even think I’m doing this fast good enough. I really just don’t know what to do to get things right…” Then it was like He said to me, “says who?”. In an instant, God was touching my deepest pain at the moment. Not the physical headache pain or the physical hunger in my stomach. He was speaking to my heart pain deep in my soul.
Says Who?
As the Lord opened my eyes in that moment, He walked me through this question. “Who says you’re not doing good enough?” I though about it for a moment, and I realized it’s not God. He says I’m the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. (2 Corinthians 5:21)
My wife wasn’t saying I wasn’t good enough. She’s always only ever encouraging me. She tells me she loves this new life we have, and she calls out the good things she sees in me.
That leaves me or the enemy. One or both of those are telling lies! Regardless of the source of the accusation that I’m not good enough, God’s answer silences that claim. “I’m not good enough.” –> “SAYS WHO?” I’m choosing to believe what God says about me.
From My Head to My Heart
I’ve been through this thought exercise before, mentally. I even have 2 Corinthians 5:21 written on the dry erase board in my office (thanks to my wife). I’ve even said out loud “I’m the righteousness of God” while I’ve been down and depressed and feeling sorry for myself. It’s one thing to have something in your mind, but it goes to a whole new level when it gets in your heart! That’s what fasting did for me. It pulled me away from the negative thought patterns that I was entrenched in. I was worried about what other people thought of me not applying for another job right away. I was putting imaginary pressure on myself, creating burdens I wasn’t meant to carry. All it takes is one word from the Lord to break those chains and shine a perfect light in just the place.
God also began to show me how to walk this out. I felt like He was saying to me, “whatever you do in faith will be pleasing to Me.” I have been seeking Him on what to do instead of focusing on being who He created me to be.
What Does the Word Say?
It’s vitally important the we, as believers, get God’s Word in our minds and in our hearts. The Holy Spirit living in us will bring things to remembrance at just the right time. It’s one of the ways God speaks to us. The Word is living and active, and God uses that to direct our steps. That’s just what continued to happen on the car ride home that day. God began to bring verses to my mind that I had read before. I later went and looked them up so I could reference them directly:
“Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not men.” – Colossians 3:23
“…without faith it is impossible to please Him.” – Hebrews 11:6
“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God.” – Romans 8:14
“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” – John 10:27
These verses just flooded into my mind as God was doing surgery on my heart. He’s so good and gentle, and He doesn’t waste time or words. He knows just how to speak to us. The more I get to know Him, the more I see that. He’s speaking, but I have to be listening.
The Rest of the Week
From this moment on, I felt the freedom begin. I could tell when those negative thought patterns were developing, and I could quickly say “says who?” God was giving me the tools to defeat the enemy. He was taking something that was meant for evil and using it for good (Genesis 50:20). Just like in the Joseph’s story, the “good” wasn’t just for Joseph. It was for the good for many — to save them from famine.
In my case, this became something that not only gave me a new look on life, but it was a witness of God’s faithfulness to my life. I was also able to share this word with our worship team this morning in our huddle. It was our encouraging word for the day — “says who?”. We had fun with it, but I pray it sticks with them throughout the week to help them identify those negative voices that may come against them.
Walking It Out
Now I’m going into week one of another level of freedom. I believe that God has good things for me and that He knows how to get them done — whatever they are. I’m determined to live more by faith — looking forward to tomorrow’s morning appointment in His presence in my secret place (the office). I just want to know Him more. I want to know what He wants, and I want my heart to be aligned with the things that are in His heart.
How about you? Has any of this resonated with you? You’ve made it this far, so I’m hoping it has. Let this be an encouragement to you that God is more concerned with you knowing Him and being the person He created you to be that you doing the things you think you need to do to be “successful” or pleasing to Him. No amount of work or tasks or accomplishments can make Him see you any different than He already does. He sees you like He sees Jesus if you’re in Christ.
Don’t listen to those voices in your head — no matter where they come from. If you have thoughts that you’re not succeeding or not doing good enough, just answer that one simple question:
SAYS WHO?
Leave a comment below and let me know if this blessed you. I’d love to pray for you or encourage you if I can. You can also join the Acoustic Worshiper Community for free here where we can lean on each other and grow together.
Be blessed!
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